


Devotion

by mobileLignum



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, F/M, Fluff and Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-06
Updated: 2017-10-06
Packaged: 2019-01-09 19:54:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12283296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mobileLignum/pseuds/mobileLignum
Summary: Jade is wonderful. Rotten thinkpan or not you were always cognizant of that fact. You never really figured out how she managed to find good in your despicable clown self. To have found her is like a miracle that you never really deserved to experience. She cares about you more than you care about yourself. She’s your new lord, she’s who you’re devoted to now, even if she doesn’t want you to think of it that way.





	Devotion

**Author's Note:**

> Can you tell this is really self indulgant?

Jade is wonderful. Rotten thinkpan or not you were always cognizant of that fact. You never really figured out how she managed to find good in your despicable clown self. To have found her is like a miracle that you never really deserved to experience. She cares about you more than you care about yourself. She’s your new lord, she’s who you’re devoted to now, even if she doesn’t want you to think of it that way. 

You wake up in her bed, nightmares echoing in your head. Your date mate isn’t with you when you wake up, which instantly makes you wary. You hug your knees in an attempt to make yourself calm, it is then that take notice of the delicious smell in the air. The smell is one you don’t recognize immediately. The smell is much too sweet for you to resist following. You feel like a hobo clown being lifted of your feet, you briefly giggle at that comparison as you make your way to the kitchen. You see Jade there, cutting a slice out of a delicious looking pastry, which you now instantly recognize as a pie. She’s smiling at you, and you can immediately tell what she wants.

 

“Good morning Gamzee!” She smiles at you, it is a smile that you love, a smile that you’re not sure how you managed to get. “I made apple pie for breakfast! Looks good right?”

 

You shake your head, but your stomach betrays you with it’s nasty growling. You frown “Don’t worry about it none.” You turn around “Ain’t got a clear brain right now. I’m making my way to dreamland, need to get those peepers shut”

 

You hear the sound of a plate being put on a table. You feel a hand on your shoulder. “You don’t have a clear head because you haven’t eaten anything this week. You NEED to eat.” She picks you up with her arms. She’s way stronger than you, you could resist, but you genuinely don’t have the strength to do so at the moment. You’re put down on a chair, a piece of apple pie sits on the table. “Eat. Now”

You whine, making yourself as pitiful as possible, she’s having none of it. Any sane matesprit would leave this kind of pushing to your moirail, not human partners, and especially not Jade. Their version of pity was one that made it so you’re seen as an equal, and said blatant disregarding of troll society rules made you feel sick at times, as if you weren’t already enough of a blasphemer. You’re staring at the pie, and it really does smell good. You berate yourself in silence, traitors of either side didn’t deserve the pleasure of eating. You don’t really know where you stand with your religion anymore, you still wear the make up, but all your faith ever did was make you hurt your friends. The puppet’s imprint it’s in your mind already, it has influenced who you are, you have no place amongst followers or blasphemers, you’re something even worse. 

“I can sit here all day you know?” Your matesprit’s words snap you out of your trance. You look up at her, she’s staring at you in a stern manner. “I will not move until you take at least a bite” 

She’s trying to appear angry, but you know about anger. You know about the power it makes you have on the reality you inhabit, she knows it too, which is why she’s pretending to have it. However you can tell she’s more sad than angry, you still don’t understand how she could pity you. You’re too disgusting to pity, that much you have learned. “Come on, it’s really good, here I’ll-“ There’s a flash of green, and a slice appears in front of her. She grabs said slice with her hands and takes a bite, she speaks with her mouth full “See? It’s good. I know you like sugary things, just give it a try” 

“I ain’t deserving of your pity” You finally say. The words feel bitter in your mouth, and you aren’t even going to touch the sweet treat that would fix that. “This sweet treat, I’m sure that it’s the shit’s bitchtits, a real motherfucking gift that you’ve put on this table. It’s too good, too good for me” 

 

She frowns, and then you can tell she’s actually angry. It’s not the first time she’s heard this, and you’re sure it won’t be the last. “I don’t pity you! I love you, I love you so much you drama clown” Her eyes are a bit teary you can tell, and it twists your guts into little balloon animals of motherfucking sadness. “I want you to eat! I want you to get better! But you just-“ She groans “You just don’t believe it whenever I say it! It’s infuriating!” 

You flinch, and you become really scared. You don’t want this to flip to black, that’s the last thing you want. She looks at you, she can tell you’re scared, and you can tell she can tell. You both acknowledge each other for a brief set of seconds. You say “I’m sorry..” You look at the pie on your plate. You grab it with your hand, you notice your hand is shaking. You take a tiny bite off the pie, it tastes even better than what you expected. She looks at you, and she stands up.

 

“It’s ok…You just…You worry me” She walks up to you, she puts her arms around you giving you a hug, she whispers in your ear “Eat more please? For me? Because you love me?” And you have a feeling she was saving that one for later. You nod, and you take another bite, then another. You realize you’re suddenly very hungry, you finish the slice, but you don’t dare ask for another. 

She’s smiling at you, eating her own slice of pie “I love you, promise you’ll eat more later?”

You nod “I promise”

She gives you a kiss on the cheek, and for a moment you feel like maybe you deserve to be loved.


End file.
